Currently Listening Lights and Sounds (Special Package CD+DVD) By Yellowcard see related

- Down on my Head

do you ever enter a room full of people can never be heard? or stand in an empty room and get a headache from all the noise? walk down a hallway with hundreds of people who dont care. or care so much that they are watching ur every move? i gotta stop thinking like this. i have some of the most amazing friends i can ever find, here at school, back home in the Edge, even some 3,000 miles across the Atlantic ocean. its just emotions. and secrets. and feelings. a lot of it involves being a music major and just being with such a WIDE variety of people, who i love. i can be in the dept and sometimes feel no one can understand me. then i can be feeling where everybody can feel exactly the way i am feeling. i hate the feeling i am being judged. or that i can be predictable. sometimes i hate practicing. not for the fact that i suck, but because its not so personal as it had used to be with me. the way our dept works, NOTHING is kept secret. pretty much any big event that happens with the ppl that dwell in McEachern High, becomes fact in that building. now sometimes i can be fine with that, as i am a staple in it many times. but sometimes it really gets under my skin. (and im not talking about what some of u may be thinking about formal lol). i mostly mean my privacy musically, which is all i really care about. my music is my emotions, my secrets, my passion. but i really feel it not to be so personal anymore, i always feel like its somebody's business. i know i sound a bit whiney but i just needed to get it outta my system. i think a big part of my stress if getting my pieces together for the few composition recitals going on next month. between rehearsals and actually finishing the pieces, ive been really stressed i guess.

so last night i spent the night at home, alone. as my parents were away for a few days. i havent feel so good in a LONG time. not that fact that i was home, but because i was with my piano by myself. i dont know what it was really, but i felt like theres no one watching. or listening. or judging. like i said before, my music is like my spoken word, my secrets. even tho im sure the average person wouldnt understand it, its just the principle of the thing. i was very happy to be able to play Bond in my living room and play along and not worry about anyone making fun of me, apart from molly. i just need to get this out of my mind. maybe now i wont care so much about the building and its skeviness.

so i andrea has agreed to accompany me to the music dept formal next month which i am very VERY excited about. im glad she was able to agree to it and i really cant wait to go. it will be nice to release a bit i guess.

Currently Listening Most Wanted By Hilary Duff see related

- Beat of My Heart

so im all moved back in as of last night. i left in the afternoon, kinda glad i only had to make one trip, then my mom calls and tells me i forgot my sheets. damn. everything is as i had left it back in december which is good. i didnt realize how many clothes i have! i take up more of the dresser i had then last semester, as well as some of chris' old drawers... there is like no one in this building. i saw a handful of people, i guess most either havent moved in yet or there are empty rooms.
so last week was the LAST week for the rt 17 triplex. thursday night, errol, mikeO, dantoni, JF, nabil, brendan, andy and myself were at the theater for the last showing the building had. there was food and stuff, but i kinda forgot i was still technically working so i had to serve drinks and such. there were areas of the theater ive never seen before, like the roof, it was sooooo gorgeous at night. i was kinda scared of the height and the climb back down the ladder was kinda creepy. the night was a long one, after the others had left, clearing out the usher room with posters and other free goodies, most of the other guests had left and me and errol were left to store up the four movies we had and bring them to 4. it was really scary, things were starting to fall apart, the pulleys would fall off of the projectors and lights would just go out. spooky. then the next day, friday, we all headed back to continue with the cleaning out. all our stock, candy, bags and sodas, were carried onto trucks and taken to rt 4. the clean up is still in the process, i went by before i moved yesterday and brendan and errol were cleaning up some side room by 1. i wanna see if i can head back friday.
later friday night was a party at satoshi's. it was a really really nice way to gather a hell of a lot of people before we all headed back to school.but my maaa wasnt there!! steph is already back from ireland, and i should see her later today before she goes off to merrty ole england. there were some special guests at the party as we left too lol.
so classes start tommrow. my french class was 'administratively dropped' so i need to find a way to comp for that fast. happy birthday to landa too, cant wait to see some mceachern kids this week!